He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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