I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
