i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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