My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
