it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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