So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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