So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
