my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
