nut hugger
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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