I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
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I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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