EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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