totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
