its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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