Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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