NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
