Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
