maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How does one acquire holy water?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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