I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize