My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
