You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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