we made out on top of his cat.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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