i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
