it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
