he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
