this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
