Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Terrible idea I love it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
