and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
