Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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