now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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