now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
