He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
