honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
True but thats because hes a fetus.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
