You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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