I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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