dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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