the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
