Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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