Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
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Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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