whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
