I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
