I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
