How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
