the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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