it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
