she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize