im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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