my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
