When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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