Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
