ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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