So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He felt like a one man threesome
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
