I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
