Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
