I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
