I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
