Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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