I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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