i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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