and she was petting her beer can
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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