btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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