it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
