I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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