after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
