Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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