It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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