coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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