He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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