The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
