Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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