ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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