Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
