Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
