White coat. Heels.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
