Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
