I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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