Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
