I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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