You're completely useless in the revolution.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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